Shedding The Mantra - Don't Get Raped !

Just when I was trying hard to find the next topic for my blog … I received this mail from a near & dear ;) …. And this blog is a response to that ..

Mail Subject: India gears up for holy shit :) ....

Mail Body: http://www.hindustantimes.com/Now-India-gears-up-for-a-slut-walk/Article1-705625.aspx

what the F ?

Can the female chauvinists explain ?

This is about the ‘Slut Walk’ which has been branded a Social Movement, as the article claims. The first reaction most of us would give is that it’s disgusting, the very sound of it.

But is that all, is there really nothing more to it to think and ponder. Just push it aside on the face value, or to be precise the name value. Well, it surely made me think…. Both the mail and the article :).

Honestly, I am not for it. I surely neither have the guts, nor do I advocate this. I don’t mean about why this is being done. I say I don’t advocate the way it is being done. If seriously, every women feels that how and what they are wearing is for themselves and not for anybody else, then they don’t have to do it this way. They don’t have to wear skimpy clothes to prove anyone anything. And most importantly, by doing this kind of an act, especially in a country like India (where we have women activists and NGOs demanding for beauty contests that should not have a bikini round), they would evoke multiple useless controversies which will completely eclipse the actual issue this movement is supposed to bring out.

Now, this was the part what I thought when I saw the question ‘what the F’ in the mail I was talking about. Now when I went further down my process of thinking for the other part of the mail ‘female chauvinists explain’ , I really started thinking about the root where all this started.

Most of us would have heard of the term ‘Victim Blaming’ - a phrase coined and popularized in 1971 by psychologist William Ryan, traditionally emerged especially in racist and sexist forms (as told in Wiki). As per the rape shield law, cross-examination of the accuser w.r.t. his or her prior sexual history, or the manner in which he or she was dressed at the time of the rape, is prohibited. However, there are exceptions provided in most of the cases. Statistically, it has been proven that most of the rape cases are not provoked by the victim, and it’s the weakness and vulnerability that makes someone target. Most of the times it is committed by people who know you well. The elderly get raped, persons with disabilities get raped, children get raped, men get raped - is clothing a factor there? And in most of the cases, fingers point to the victim saying, she must have dressed up or behaved like a slut.

Here are some news headlines:

… 16-year-old can’t press charges against UW basketball player because witnesses portrayed the act as consensual …

… Rapist will not go to jail because “sex was in the air” …

… 11-year-old girl blamed for being gang raped …

… Man admits to raping 4-year-old and 8-year-old but blames them for “initiating sexual contact” …

… British Justice Secretary suggests “date rape” is not as serious as other kinds of rape …

… Russian rape case: Goa CM blames victim …

… Women Say Some Rape Victims Should Take Blame" …

These ‘Slut Walks’ have happened or are planned in various cities, and the message at every place is the same:

-> “A new protest movement sparked by policeman Michael Sanguinetti's advice to women students to "avoid dressing like sluts" to stay safe on the streets has taken off in the US and Canada.”

-> “Women take part in the "Marcha das Vagabundas" (Slutwalk) protest in Sao Paulo June 4, 2011. The demonstrators are protesting sexism, rape and sexual crimes.”

-> “The SlutWalk Toronto website said the aim of the movement is to "re-appropriate" the world slut. "Being in charge of our sexual lives should not mean that we are opening ourselves to an expectation of violence, regardless if we participate in sex for pleasure or work," it says.”

-> “The aim, say organizers, is to highlight a culture in which the victim rather than rapist or abuser is blamed.”

-> “About 250 people have joined a "SlutWalk" in Cardiff that organizers
say defends victims of sexual assault.”
                                                                                                            

From the time this movement has started, it has been clearly stated that the organizers are not promoting being sluts or suggesting people to show skin or have lots of sex. The whole idea of theirs is only ‘mind your business’. They are saying that it’s an individual’s own personal choice – not mine, not yours, not the media’s, not the state’s. And implications that all women who are raped or who are dressed skimpily are sluts, leads to slut shaming. And that’s the reason why many have walked with the
posters ‘I’m a slut’ in this march.   

And finally the question, if there has to be a walk, why dress up skimpily. That’s the question which has been bothering the most, as expected. Well, just to bring to the notice of all, it is not mandatory that everyone who is participating should where ‘less clothes’ (which again is a very subjective, relative term for which we might need a separate blog ! ). But yes some of the reasons is, to bring up the issue right on the face of the nation, or to bring up a relevance so that people don’t question the double standards of the ones fighting for the cause, or to draw attention to the issue that’s being raised, or for even publicity. Because all us know that what is more important for any movement to stir response is awareness, attention, publicity & promotion. That’s the reason for most of the marathons, dharnas, fasts and demonstrations - Isn't It !

   

The Linguistics of Love

Have you ever wondered why a person doesn’t feel loved even though you love them with all that you have? Have you ever tried to fathom why you don’t feel loved even though the other person claims to be madly in love with you? Have you witnessed love in your relation changing like seasons with gradual fading effects ? Have you sensed a gap between the two of you which neither your silence nor your words seem to be filling? The one key to all these symptoms is ‘Communicating in the Right Language’

There have been lots said and written about how expression & communication of love & feelings is important in relationships. With all the help available in books, TV shows & the net (those wonderful articles likes ‘ 101 ways of ********* ‘ or “ 50 different ways to __________ “) why is effective communication in relationships still a secret? Even after attending varieties of workshops on relationships & communication, and collating wonderful ideas why is it people find it impossible to implement them once back home?

The reason: I came across this quote and I believe that it says it all :   "After all, when you come right down to it, how many people speak the same language even when they speak the same language?"  

All of us learn one particular language due to the family we belong and the upbringing we have which is like the primary or native language. But as we grow up, we learn many other languages to make ourselves comfortable in our society, our education, our career and so on. When it boils down to self, it’s always the native language that’s comforting, but when you want to comfort somebody else, then comes into picture the secondary language. Imagine if you were only communicating in your own language and the same is the case with the person you are communicating with, how limited the talking would be. You might even get down to sign language or just a few sounds.

Its similar in case of love & relationships. Two different people, in the rarest of occasions, can speak the same language of love and emotions. The number of ways to express your feelings & emotions within a language of love might be innumerable, but what’s important is you need to speak and understand the same language as that of your partner. Isn’t that easy, that one of the ways to preserve the love in your relationship, is to put in some efforts and just learn another language !!!